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THE ULTIMATE THANKSGIVING (BAD) JOKE LIST!

What is Thanksgiving for selfish people called?
Thankstaking. Why does a Pilgrim’s pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE.

If Pilgrims were alive today, what would they say?
Do not resuscitate.

Why is Thanksgiving such an intelligent holiday?
Cuz it’s in KNOW-vember.

Hippies put what on their Thanksgiving potatoes?
Groovy.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.

Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”?
Because they never learned good table manners!

What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!

What sound does a turkey phone make?
Wing Wing.

Which Pilgrim cut the turkey on the first Thansgiving?
John Carver

What do you call the age of a Pilgrim?
Pilgrimage.

How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
It hugged the shore.

Why was Plymouth Rock so brave?
It was a little boulder.

The Pilgrim’s cows came to America on what ship?
The Mooooo-flower.

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
“Quack, quack, quack!”

What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it?
Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all

On which holiday do you play a lot of jokes on people?
Pranksgiving!

How do you make Gold Turkey soup?
Throw in a turkey and 14 car(r)ots.

Why did the Pilgrim eat a candle?
He wanted a light snack!

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

Teacher: “Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?”
Student: “Maybe they missed their plane.”

Teacher: How much did the Mayflower weigh?
Student: A Puri-TON

What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach?
Puritan

What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today?
Plymouth.

What’d the little turkey say to the big turkey?
Peck on someone your own size!

If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?
Goblet.

How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey.

Why can’t you take a turkey to church?:
Because they use such fowl language

What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?
One has gobblers, the other goblins.

What do you call a Pilgrims vocabulary?
Pilgrammar.

What’s the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook?
Pilgram.

What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he’s in pain?
Pil-grimace.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey at Thanksgiving?
Because they couldn’t fit the moose in the oven!

What do you call the evil being that comes to get Pilgrims?
PilGrim Reaper

What do you call it when you drop a turkey from a helicopter?
Dead weight.

Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it.

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play.

How do you send a turkey through the mail?
Bird class mail!

What will a philosopher turkey say on Thanksgiving morning?
To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.

What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
God save the kin.

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes – a building can’t jump at all

What do turkey’s do on sunny days?
Go on a “peck” nic.

Knock, knock.Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Thanksgiving. Aren’t you?

Knock Knock. Who’s there?Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey have to wait long to eat?

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive the stuffing too!

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip a big plate and dig in!

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Tamara. Tamara who? Tamara we’ll have turkey leftovers!

Knock, knock!Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?

Knock KnockWho’s there? Waddle Waddle who? Waddle I do if you don’t open the door?

DIZZY PERSON + TURKEY =WOBBLE, WOBBLE

CORN + TURKEY = COBBLE, COBBLE

BURGLAR + TURKEY = ROBBLE, ROBBLE

THANKSGIVING DINNER + OFFICE MESSAGE = TURKEY WITH ALL THE FAXINGS.

ORANGE VEGATABLE + GREEN VEGATABLE = PUMPKIN PEA.

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