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john starr extra

I’m in ‘Holding’ with two fellow ‘Background Performer’ pals waiting to be called onto set and we have a great discussion about what we would and would not do on film and for how much. Steve (his real name…good luck finding him) is an ex-Ringling Brothers Clown who recently made a lot of dough for showing his bare butt in a super gay non-pornographic scene on a Hit Premium Cable Show (which by the way you watch and you know you do). Steve doesn’t care about doing nudity and his Wife called him “Sweet Rump Roast” when it aired. My other friend is Leslie (an Ex-Laker Girl) who won’t do naked anything on-camera. Me neither (would you?). I am not a prude, just not a 25 year old hot built Male Model (but I play one on TV….okay not really ever).

I tell Steve & Leslie that I had my 1st audition recently in Drag and don’t want to do it again. Unless someone pays me a big bowl of money. You men picture driving around town cross-dressed in full make-up wearing high heeled sling backs and get back to me how you feel doing it. I felt unbalanced, literally (but got a couple of hoots and whistles teetering from my Car to the Casting Office…thank you Construction Workers of America for your support). With my Cheap Red Reba McEntire Wig I was quite the sight (call me Ugly Drag…”I’m a Pretty Girl Momma” was not my Mantra). Believe me driving around Hollywood in full Clown make-up and costume is much easier than pretending I’m someones Dream Girl. Other than a couple of kids screaming in terror in the car next to me lots of folks honk and are happily surprised when I’m Clowny. However my Drag get up got more of a Danny Thomas spit-out-your-coffee-double-take followed by a sneer and snort by the passing throngs. I’ve got Gay Pride for days but Drag me down is not my scene is seems. Don’t hate me Oscar Wilde.

Are you wondering about my obvious goatee and that Drag audition? This is why pancake make-up was invented! All it took was a couple handful scoops of ‘Medium Tan’ slathered on super thick (as said…I was not a pretty sight). Cover Girl indeed.

3 Responses to “Cover Girl”

  1. Sweet Rump Roast. Someone stole my nickname. Great and hilarious bloggy. And I’m not just saying that cuz you paid me.

  2. John Starr says:

    Your check’s in the mail!

  3. Dan H says:

    Loved the line about “Steve – it’s his real name…” very funny!!

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