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1) What’s the one thing you think insurance companies should never cover?

Lyposuction…. If insurance covered that procedure, the suction coming from California would be of such immense proportions that it would reverse the jet stream and bring an end to all of mankind.

2) What’s the one thing a doctor should never charge for?

The pain. If you visit the doctor and the treatment hurts, then why pay? I mean, after all, if you go to a restaurant and they spill hot coffee all over your crotch, they don’t hand you the bill. I mean, what’s up with that? I say, “Ouch!” and they hurt me further by handing me a bill telling me how much it cost to put me in pain!

3) What’s your favorite medical instrument?

The reflex hammer. If the doctor hurts me, I can return the favor! Oops! Sorry doc! I was playing with your hammer and it slipped right out of my hand! I hope you weren’t planning on having any more kids, were you?

4) If you were in charge of healthcare, what plastic surgery procedure would you like to make illegal?

Lip enlargements. We have enough women walking around looking like they got their lips caught in a vacuum cleaner hose. Now that I’ve said that, I can almost imagine some dumb blonde walking up to her upright vacuum after reading this.

5) What’s the most unhealthy thing you do?

Walking on a treadmill. I know! I know! Walking’s supposed to be healthy. However, I find nothing healthy about being launched from a treadmill I was walking on. Really! Have you ever been on one of those suckers, listening to some awesome tunes and got caught up in the moment, forgetting where you were? Ah! Yeah! Bingo! Houston, we have cleared the treadmill!

6) What’s your best home healthcare remedy?

Chocolate… Lots and lots of chocolate. Ok, so it’s fattening, but have you ever denied an obese, PMS laden woman a bar of chocolate? Yeah! THAT’S unhealthy… and dangerous!

7) Would you rather be rich or healthy and why?

I’d want to be rich. That way I can afford to run my own amusement park for fat people. I’d call it “Super Size My Ride!” We need it! Have you seen the current traveling carnivals? They have rides that were built in the 70s and 80s. That’s PRIOR to the obesity epidemic, people! I mean, these fat butts, stuffed with chili dogs, cotton candy & dough boys are flying overhead squeezed into tiny seats hanging from thin chains or sitting aboard these Ferris Wheels, once again squeezed in the tiny seats, as they hang above you! Talk about unhealthy and dangerous… Yeah!

8) What would you be willing to give up or do without in exchange for healthcare?

My job…. Why? Healthcare means staying healthy, right? The government wouldn’t want me to starve, so they’d have to feed me & provide free medical coverage. I wouldn’t be allowed to go about naked, so the charities would clothe me. I wouldn’t be allowed to be without shelter in harsh weather, so the charities would place a roof over my head. Hey! Wait a minute! Folks are doing this already! Next question please!

9) Who was your favorite TV doctor?

Do you have to ask? Dr. Doug Ross (George Clooney) I’d be finding reasons to be sick! Right ladies?! ;o)

10) If you could have any medical procedure free of charge what would it be?

Get-that-bill-collector-off-my-butt-ectomy! Is there such a procedure?

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