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Mainely Unemployed

Life in Maine can be hard and I mean very hard. Jobs are scarce. The winters make it even more difficult with the price of fuel on the rise, which brings up the price of everything else. It’s a wonder I’m not charged for each breath I take. I’m waiting for that one. I can just imagine how they’d manage measuring our breaths. I imagine everyone walking around with a band around their chest to count each inhale and exhale. Placing a limit on the maximum breaths one can take in an hour’s time. Sorry fella, ya gotta hold your breath for the next then minutes, because you just went over quota or the poor woman in labor…. Husband coaching his wife, “Don’t breathe, dear! Don’t breathe!”

Yeah, that would make for an interesting scene for sure. Of course, we know it’ll never happen. Instead, they’ll charge us for each step we take. After all, we pay by the gallon for our gas, which is kind of of like paying for every mile of our gas consumption. We would see folks taking these huge, broad steps to go from one place to the next. The gymnasts would be considered the hybrid walkers, since they can do a full split with each step.

Of course, that would be ridiculous, would it not? Of course, the government is always looking for a way to cut costs. I have a suggestion for them. How about charging tax for every lick of an ice cream or for every puff of a cigarette. That should make enough revenue for them to waste somewhere else, right? The unemployed will save money for sure, since they couldn’t afford to pay for their vices. Oh, but I must digress. After all, our government has been working very hard for a very long time to fool the American public. I must hand it to them! Not even Houdini could make a dollar disappear like the folks in DC!

Maybe we should take our government’s example in creating a business of our own? Let’s say we open a restaurant and we have folks vote on what everyone should be served. Then we take it to a panel of folks who’ve been chosen by the people to decide if the people voted correctly. If they agree, then the meal will be served. However, if they disagree, then there will be no meal and the process starts all over again.

Talk about an iron clad diet plan! There’d be no more plump behinds walking the streets for sure! The patron’s unemployment checks would stretch forever on that kind of plan! Sorry folks! No eating out today! Congress disagreed with everyone’s choice of the cheeseburger so the bill was vetoed!

Of course, folks, we cannot operate as our government does. Especially if we wish to experience some progress. So we trudge along in our day to day lives, hunting for that one job that nobody else wants or one whereby you can prove yourself better than the other candidates who’ve applied. In the process, you can be glad that you don’t have to wear a chest band to count your breaths or become broad a stepper trying to minimize the cost of walking. Just be careful not to step on the crack, so you don’t break our mother’s back. Whoops! Penalty! Time to pay up!

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