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Take me to your leader. Please!

Today I’m a dancing Astronaut Robot on Hollywood Blvd.  And you’re not. This is my own Halloween costume (surprised? be honest). And yes I got a “formal” costume bump (this is the tuxedo of the pretend NASA world, trust me). I am proud to own two of these identical outfits (Halloween + Boyfriend = duh).

Heartbreak … we are shooting on a fake Hollywood Blvd Set in Chatsworth, not the real thing. Waaah. It is over 90 degrees & everyone keeps asking and asking if I am really hot inside my silver lame jumpsuit & helmet.  Again, duh. But I hydrate & lie all day “No it’s like spring in here. Join me?” I get a featured bit with their young hot comedy star. Per my suggestion he high fives me while I hold a ‘freeze’ after a double pirouette dance spin (preceded by my tender slow motion Charleston, like all good dancing robots do). I suddenly move & fake scare the heck out of him. He does a Danny Thomas double-spit-take all over the front of my helmet. Repeatedly. I don’t care because I get attention. That is all that matters to superficial me. Bonus points … as is tradition because it is the very last day on this just cancelled TV series, they serve us fresh Lobster and Fillet Mignon!  I look at the caterer and say “Fillet Mignon … again?” Then I grab two Chocolate Soufflés. I’m a little piggy. Dressed like Neil Armstrong.

My real hair!

Last week I was hired again for my Clown Balloon Artistry on a three-day-shoot. It is windy & hot & muggy. I am on a platform stage at a giant outdoor street fair. The 1st A.D. says “We want BIG” & then I hear “ACTION!” I quickly twist a multi-color 30 foot long balloon flying snake and make it dance in the air on the wind while I unsuccessfully but enthusiastically chase the constantly moving tail end in circles. I keep missing and spinning and tripping. In front of 150 Extras and crew. They laugh at me. Meanies. “CUT!” The Sound Guy criticises me for making noise when I fall on my ass. The 1st A.D. tells me to ignore the Sound Guy. The 2nd A.D. says “BIGGER!” I use my pump to blow up even more balloons.  P.A.s are rushing to get me cold water (I am not hyperventilating, let’s instead call it the Hatha Yoga ‘Breath of Fire’). Yes it was another lovely 90 degree day in the Valley and people again ask me repeatedly “Aren’t you hot with that red wig & the all the gunk on your face?” First of all this is my real hair & color so shut up. Second please don’t call my make-up that I started applying at 3am ‘gunk’. Although after 14 hours each day I must admit I am melting a teeny weeny bit (& by “bit” I mean my face is a hot mess and I re-apply grease paint and powder so often that later removal will require a trowel). I like it and am used to it, so stop judging me. I clown around, sue me. Another big surprise…I get a lot of attention in this get-up-and-go (people love my new shoes & Kimono). These old things? During a take, I accidentally break my adorable purple miniature tasseled clown umbrella & will be forced, late tonight, to buy a replacement on-line from a girl’s doll collection website (with “Johnny the Clown” embroidered on it for only $5 more!). After a fun-filled three days the Key Grip walks by me surrounded by a ton of Extras & says “You’re a Rock Star Clown”. I honk my Harpo Horn, curtsy and say “Don’t be a stranger.”

So what we’ve learned today children is that Johnny, the dancing Astronaut Robot Rock Star Clown, has lots of costumes and make-up and he likes attention. What do you mean your head is not spinning?

26 Responses to “Astronaut Robot Rock Star Clown”

  1. wolfie says:

    Great job!

  2. Ben Estrella says:

    Very good, jboy!

  3. Laurie Morgan says:

    1. I know the in-joke about “filet mignon… again?” (because I am your oldest friend)Tee hee hee!
    2. And nobody ever said you like attention…NOT!

    Love ya Johnny Boy 🙂

  4. John Starr says:

    Laurie –
    1.) How dare you.
    2.) Shhhhh.
    P.S. Thanks!

  5. Brit Babe says:

    You’re a trouper!
    Love the blog. Xxx

  6. How says Hollywood isn’t glamorous? This made me scream out loud! Funny. Funny. Funny!

  7. I meant “who says Hollywood…” I’m gramatically-challenged.

  8. John Starr says:

    I love a self-correcting Sister! Thanks Carol!

  9. Bonnie W says:

    Thanks for keeping me updated.

  10. Julie McCarl says:

    Oh John….I wish I could have seen all that….you write well though, so I did sort of see it….I am glad you are doing well and eating regularly…sounds like!! Another beautiful day in paradise up here in Oregon…well a little too cool for me…Has Summer actually begun?? Mom and Dad had their 66th anniversary yesterday…we had a little party and ate too much and cherry peach cobbler with ice cream for dessert…wish all ya’ll were closer…we could have some fun even without the filet mignon!
    cheers, julie

  11. Gerry says:

    Really enjoyed this!

  12. Marina says:

    Loved yr blog entries u astronaut clown!

  13. LINDANNE says:

    You’re once again always a Starr. Do you rent out the costumes or can you get a doggie bag and send to your friends?
    Love LA

  14. John Starr says:

    Lindanne-No doggie bags needed. Johnny’s Costume Shop is open for business & the price is right for you tootsie, trust me. Such a deal..,

  15. Edith and Chris says:

    Thank you for keeping us posted. We miss you and your hot boyfriend. MMWWAA

  16. Timmay! says:

    RIP poor purple tassled umbrella, hello bigger and stronger Johnny Umby…:) Funny and Hillarious as always. 🙂

  17. twila says:

    Funny Stuff! I never doubt you, I believe everything
    including your real hair. LOVE

  18. Chris Lind says:

    Klatu barrata nick toe. Or something.

  19. John Starr says:

    Chris- yes I will take you to my leader … too!

    Julie- Amazing & congrats on your folks 66th wedding anniversary! W O W!!

  20. subrina says:

    Ilove you so much MUAH MUAH MUAH!!!

  21. Rich Fandre says:

    Hey John, Extremely nice “head turn response to shocking moment” in WILFRED episode 10 on FX. We can also see you in the blurry background for a shot.

  22. John Starr says:

    Rich – Thanks. ‘Wilfred’ was a fun show to shoot. Shhhh.

  23. Brandon says:


  24. Will says:

    John- I saw you on a preview of ‘Entourage’ that airs next Sunday! Can’t wait!

  25. Sheila says:

    Oh Honey, that look is so hot on you (I love a red nose) xXx

  26. Alex says:

    Saw you on Entourage this week! Looking good man.

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