Take me to your leader. Please!
Today I’m a dancing Astronaut Robot on Hollywood Blvd. And you’re not. This is my own Halloween costume (surprised? be honest). And yes I got a “formal” costume bump (this is the tuxedo of the pretend NASA world, trust me). I am proud to own two of these identical outfits (Halloween + Boyfriend = duh).
Heartbreak … we are shooting on a fake Hollywood Blvd Set in Chatsworth, not the real thing. Waaah. It is over 90 degrees & everyone keeps asking and asking if I am really hot inside my silver lame jumpsuit & helmet. Again, duh. But I hydrate & lie all day “No it’s like spring in here. Join me?” I get a featured bit with their young hot comedy star. Per my suggestion he high fives me while I hold a ‘freeze’ after a double pirouette dance spin (preceded by my tender slow motion Charleston, like all good dancing robots do). I suddenly move & fake scare the heck out of him. He does a Danny Thomas double-spit-take all over the front of my helmet. Repeatedly. I don’t care because I get attention. That is all that matters to superficial me. Bonus points … as is tradition because it is the very last day on this just cancelled TV series, they serve us fresh Lobster and Fillet Mignon! I look at the caterer and say “Fillet Mignon … again?” Then I grab two Chocolate Soufflés. I’m a little piggy. Dressed like Neil Armstrong.
My real hair!
Last week I was hired again for my Clown Balloon Artistry on a three-day-shoot. It is windy & hot & muggy. I am on a platform stage at a giant outdoor street fair. The 1st A.D. says “We want BIG” & then I hear “ACTION!” I quickly twist a multi-color 30 foot long balloon flying snake and make it dance in the air on the wind while I unsuccessfully but enthusiastically chase the constantly moving tail end in circles. I keep missing and spinning and tripping. In front of 150 Extras and crew. They laugh at me. Meanies. “CUT!” The Sound Guy criticises me for making noise when I fall on my ass. The 1st A.D. tells me to ignore the Sound Guy. The 2nd A.D. says “BIGGER!” I use my pump to blow up even more balloons. P.A.s are rushing to get me cold water (I am not hyperventilating, let’s instead call it the Hatha Yoga ‘Breath of Fire’). Yes it was another lovely 90 degree day in the Valley and people again ask me repeatedly “Aren’t you hot with that red wig & the all the gunk on your face?” First of all this is my real hair & color so shut up. Second please don’t call my make-up that I started applying at 3am ‘gunk’. Although after 14 hours each day I must admit I am melting a teeny weeny bit (& by “bit” I mean my face is a hot mess and I re-apply grease paint and powder so often that later removal will require a trowel). I like it and am used to it, so stop judging me. I clown around, sue me. Another big surprise…I get a lot of attention in this get-up-and-go (people love my new shoes & Kimono). These old things? During a take, I accidentally break my adorable purple miniature tasseled clown umbrella & will be forced, late tonight, to buy a replacement on-line from a girl’s doll collection website (with “Johnny the Clown” embroidered on it for only $5 more!). After a fun-filled three days the Key Grip walks by me surrounded by a ton of Extras & says “You’re a Rock Star Clown”. I honk my Harpo Horn, curtsy and say “Don’t be a stranger.”
So what we’ve learned today children is that Johnny, the dancing Astronaut Robot Rock Star Clown, has lots of costumes and make-up and he likes attention. What do you mean your head is not spinning?